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I've changed my blogging site. Please go to http://cedarbrook.blogspot.com/

Thanks,

Remy

Divorce & Remarriage Revisited
After my message on Sunday I had a few people wish that I had answered a fourth question: "What if I divorced and remarried and I realize now that I did it poorly?" The implied question there is..."Am I doomed by God to live a miserable life?" And/or..."Does God consider me an adulterer from here on out?"

Those are pretty serious questions that deserve an answer. I can't imagine living with the thought that God saw me as an adulterer and there was no recourse. So let me give this a shot.

First of all, let me say that Jesus' words about divorce and remarriage leave little "wiggle room". To NOT be considered an adulterer requires either rejecting his words or observing in scripture how we might be able to resolve being an adulterer. But, unless someone broke covenant with you, you have to own the adultery part.

Now, as bad as that is, who hasn't failed God? And specifically relating to marriage...who hasn't WANTED to break covenant with their spouse? It's admirable that people don't follow through on their desires (and not divorce) but no one is perfect. And like any sin, there is forgivness, there is reparation and restoration. God always offers us a fresh start but there may be some conditions attached and some consequences that follow.

If you find yourself in this scenario, I recommend a few things. First, admit the adultery. Own it. You can't find forgiveness if you don't admit the guilt. And not just the overall guilt but the specific things you did wrong, the specific character flaws that led you to divorce and remarry in the manner that you did (maybe selfishness, pride, impatience, bitterness, etc.).

Second, ask and receive God's forgiveness. All sin is forgiveable if you are truly sorry and willing to forsake it. This is how you can put the adultery in the past.

Next, ask forgiveness of those you hurt; your ex-spouse, your children, your friends, maybe even your current spouse if you realize that you entered into the marriage inappropriately. That doesn't invalidate the marriage but clearing the air of past wrongs will help the future of your marriage.

Finally, make any amends that are outstanding. You need to bring closure. Leaving issues unresolved only causes personal and relational discord - not only with people but with God.

As hard as these things may seem to do, not doing them will only cause you inner turmoil. Doing them will bring you the freedom you have been looking for.

Sixty percent of remarriages end in divorce. That tells me that there is a flaw in the whole divorce/remarriage scenario. Many reasons could be pointed out but I think a very big flaw is that people fail to do what I've outlined here - bringing closure to past wrongs. Marriage is hard enough when things go well. When you bring all kinds of baggage from a previously failed marriage into a new one, it's a wonder any work at all.

I welcome your feedback.

Thoughts on sex and promiscuity
When we changed websites I stopped blogging. But after hearing from another pastor how many people read his blog, I thought it was time to begin again. This blog gives me the chance to share more personal thoughts and more in-depth than I can on Sundays.

I read an article yesterday called "Losing Your Promiscuity" in preparation for my message this Sunday. It really troubled me. The author was a counselor and wrote about the young people that he sees that have such distorted views of sex. The typical person is actively very young and very often with different partners. He described it as being as intimate a refueling a plane. Then as these same people go into marriage, sex has lost its power. Instead of being the consummation of love at marriage it is merely a well used add on feature.

I couldn't help but grieve for the loss that these young people are experiencing. But the truly sad thing is that they aren't even aware of the loss because they never appreciated what they had in the first place.

I'm frustrated already at the thought of having only 30 minutes on Sunday to try to counter such deeply embedded thoughts in our culture. God's call to sex within marriage isn't prudish. We keep valuable jewels in a bank vault for a reason - only bringing them out at special times for the select few to see. That's what keeps them valuable. When you start showing them on street corners with no security, those same jewels become common and even boring.

Me & South Beach
When we were doing the Purpose Driven Life in the Spring, I was tracking the book on the best-seller list. While it was #4, The South Beach Diet was a solid #1. After watching my weight slowing rise about 2 pounds since I moved off the farm (1997), I thought is was time to take action.

Not much for diets ( I like to think that more excercise and less food does the trick) I was wary. But I'm a total, low-carb convert now! I've lost ten pounds in the last month and the best thing is I've learned healthier eating habits.

I used to "crash" every afternoon once or twice...these extreme lows where I wanted to sleep. I thought it might have something to do with my diet but I had no idea what. But after learning how to eat less carbs and the right carbs it has changed all that. Even if I didn't lose weight, I'd still do this diet just for the benefit of moderating my energy swings.

The ten pound loss has also impacted my jogging. I can actually jog UP hills now (vs. walking). I had no idea ten pounds would make such a difference. Plus, of couse, my pants fit better!

I won't bore you with any more details, but for those of you wary like me of "fad" diets, I think this one is for real. Check it out.

Why do I write?
Writing blogs or letters to the editor can turn around and bite you. One person chose to leave the church after reading what I said about the Episcopalian bishop last year. And there may have been more that weren't so bold to tell me.

So why do I write? Doesn't it just cause controversy and get people mad at me? Sometimes. But I write because these are topics that need addressing and Sunday morning isn't always the best place to do it.

In a grace environment, where acceptance is highly valued, truth often gets fuzzy. Because we want people to feel safe and accepted, because we don't want to be misunderstood, truth can be abandoned. I don't want that to happen at Cedarbrook. Truth and Grace can go hand and hand. They have to. Truth without grace is harsh and condemning and grace without truth is not compassionate (as it appears) but harmful.

This is a hard balance to keep, but I'm very committed to doing both well. Let's be careful as a community of grace to not abandon truth. But let's be diligent to learn how to speak truth in love.

Discussing Moral Absolutes
Editor;
It was interesting to read your words about the recent school board meeting (7/18/04) regarding the Gay/Straight Alliance meeting in the high school. You started by saying "A wonderful thing happened Monday night" then ended by saying that you "tipped your hat" to the participants for making Menomonie proud.

But in the editorial below yours, Mr. Hoffman saw visions of the Salem Witch Trials at that same meeting. Isn't it amazing how two people can see things so differently?

I was at the meeting as well. I didn't agree with everything said (from either side), but I was pleased to see the open discussion, emotion and all. Emotion often comes with deep convictions. I don't think that's something people need to be ashamed of showing.

Our society is going through a tremendous cultural shift. For centuries, (right or wrong) our legal system has used the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments as the basis for moral law. It's provided an absolute in decision making. But today, our culture is heavily questioning that assumption. They have the right to do that. But those who choose to cling to the idea of an absolute should not be labeled as "flat world" believers (as stated in lead article quote 7/14/04). To release ourselves from moral absolutes is not equivalent to making progress in the 21st century as Mr. Hoffman implies in his letter. Science and Religion are not mutually exclusive.

In fact, science is simply the study of what exists. And science has discovered many absolutes that exist; the speed of sound, the speed of light, the force of gravity, and 2+ 2 = 4, every time.

Is it so odd to think that there might be moral absolutes as well as physical absolutes? Every time I board a plane I'm grateful for the physical absolutes that the plane was engineered for and that the pilots incorporate into their flying knowledge. Without their in-depth knowledge of those absolutes, I don't think I'd want to be flying. (Without physical absolutes, the plane could not have been built in the first place.)

Is it too much of a stretch to think that there might be moral absolutes as well? And is it too much of a stretch to think that the breaking of moral absolutes will bring the same level of catastrophe that a plane would experience if it ignored the physical law? Do we really want to risk finding out?

Or is everything relative? Will we some day decide that parents can divorce each other and wed their children or sisters wed each other? That is not too far fetched if we really believe the statement from the other letter to the editor July 18. The writer said that, "What people want to do with their lives is their choice, not anyone else." Our judicial system tells us that that's not true. Our judicial system revolves around moral law being enforced not ignored.

It seems that there will be an increasing divide over this issue of absolutes. If we are ever to get "the human relations part" (that Mr. Hoffman regrets we lack) we are going to have to learn how to talk about it without labeling either side as archaic thinkers or Witch-hunters. It's been said that once you label someone you can then discount them entirely. I hope we can rise above that and eagerly listen to and respect each other. If we can do this, we'll contine to "do Menomonie proud."

Remy Diederich

How to Discuss Moral Absolutes
The following is a letter to the editor to the Dunn County News. It should run on July 21 or 15.

Editor;
It was interesting to read your words about the recent school board meeting (7/18/04) regarding the Gay/Straight Alliance meeting in the high school. You started by saying "A wonderful thing happened Monday night" then ended by saying that you "tipped your hat" to the participants for making Menomonie proud.

But in the editorial below yours, Mr. Hoffman saw visions of the Salem Witch Trials at that same meeting. Isn't it amazing how two people can see things so differently?

I was at the meeting as well. I didn't agree with everything said (from either side), but I was pleased to see the open discussion, emotion and all. Emotion often comes with deep convictions. I don't think that's something people need to be ashamed of showing.

Our society is going through a tremendous cultural shift. For centuries, (right or wrong) our legal system has used the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments as the basis for moral law. It's provided an absolute in decision making. But today, our culture is heavily questioning that assumption. They have the right to do that. But those who choose to cling to the idea of an absolute should not be labeled as "flat world" believers (as stated in lead article quote 7/14/04). To release ourselves from moral absolutes is not equivalent to making progress in the 21st century as Mr. Hoffman implies in his letter. Science and Religion are not mutually exclusive.

In fact, science is simply the study of what exists. And science has discovered many absolutes that exist; the speed of sound, the speed of light, the force of gravity, and 2+ 2 = 4, every time.

Is it so odd to think that there might be moral absolutes as well as physical absolutes? Every time I board a plane I'm grateful for the physical absolutes that the plane was engineered for and that the pilots incorporate into their flying knowledge. Without their in-depth knowledge of those absolutes, I don't think I'd want to be flying. (In fact, without physical absolutes, the plane could not have been built in the first place.)

Is it too much of a stretch to think that there might be moral absolutes as well? And is it too much of a stretch to think that the breaking of moral absolutes will bring the same level of catastrophe that a plane would experience if it ignored the physical law? Do we really want to risk finding out?

Or is everything relative? Will we some day decide that parents can divorce each other and wed their children or sisters wed each other? That is not too far fetched if we really believe the statement from the other letter to the editor July 18. The writer said that, "What people want to do with their lives is their choice, not anyone else." Our judicial system tells us that that's not true. Our judicial system revolves around moral law being enforced not ignored.

It seems that there will be an increasing divide over this issue of absolutes. If we are ever to get "the human relations part" (that Mr. Hoffman regrets we lack) we are going to have to learn how to talk about it without labeling either side as archaic thinkers or Witch-hunters. It's been said that once you label someone you can then discount them entirely. I hope we can rise above that and eagerly listen to and respect each other. If we can do this, we'll contine to "do Menomonie proud."

Remy Diederich

Using this Blog
If you are new to blogging, people can reply to my comments, and you can read them, by clicking the links at the end of the comments. For example, at the end of my most recent blog, it says that there are(2) comments posted. Someone commented and I wrote them back. You can click on that link to read them. fyi.

Same Sex Issues in the News
Imagine that I have an unnatural craving for sweets. I think about sweets in ways that most people don't. At first I think it's wrong, that I need help. But no one seems to understand me so I resume my life. The cravings get so strong that I start to indulge myself...a little at first but then more and more. I gain weight, it affects my health, but, what can I do? I was born this way.

People start to treat me differently. They mock me and point at me. I start to wonder if I'm the only one like this. So I start a "Sweet Lovers" support group. Our goal isn't to help each other overcome the craving, only to affirm our dignity as humans in spite of our cravings. Slowly, other sweet cravers come forward and join the group. We are empowered by our numbers and find the self-worth in each other that we never knew when we were isolated.

Make sense? Totally. Is this the best thing for we sweet cravers? I don't think so. Something's wrong with our metabolism. Maybe it's our diet, maybe it's various stressors in our environment causing the cravings. But something is not right and we need healing. Are we evil? Do we hate God? Of course not. Do we still have redeeming qualities? Of couse we do. Are our cravings for sweets worse than other dysfunctions that people exhibit? Not at all. But we still need help.

People who love us and want to affirm us need to affirm our humanity but also need to help us break free from the cravings, not encourage us in them. That does us more harm than good.

I use this obvious analogy to homosexuals because the debate often loses focus when we talk about sexuality. Too often homosexuals are treated as evil, God-haters. That is so offensive that it shuts down all dialogue. As Christians, we need to approach the topic with big ears to listen, a big heart of compassion, and a mouth that is slow to speak. Yet...we can't lose sight of what the Bible tells us is our God-given design.

That's why I favor an amendment to the constitution defining marriage. Any conversation begins with a clear definition of terms. Marriage can't become anything we want it to be. Just like Chritianity can't become anything we want it to be (hence things like baptism and church membership to make it clear).

We need to have clear working definitions. The Bible defines marriage as being between one man and one woman. This union is so powerful that it is said to be a reflection of God's image. To define marriage as anything other than this is to do violence to scripture and the image of God.

Menomonie High School just voted to allow the Gay/Straight Alliance to form as a school group. In our pluralistic society, we need to let them meet. But I wish they were meeting to discuss ways to find healing rather than promoting their lifestyle. My thoughts. Your thoughts are welcome. Click on the link below.

Suicide
With the death of a local teen, the question comes about suicide and salvation. People often wonder if suicide automatically condemns us. The answer involves more than I have time to write (or you read!) but it's an important question. How we answer that question shows a lot about our concept of God.

First of all, the thought that suicide victims automatically go to hell is not in the Bible. Second, it separates suicide as an unforgiveable sin. Nothing is unforgiveable. Third, some believe that suicide is damning because you didn't have time to repent before you died. Well, who dies having repented of all their sin? It would be a rare case that someone would have just remembered every offense, repented of every offense and asked forgiveness from God and then laid down and died. Highly improbable.

Unfortunately, many people live through life feeling cursed because they either contemplated suicide or even attempted it. They don't need to hear that they are damned. They need to hear that God is close to the broken hearted. THAT IS in the Bible. God has compassion on these hopeless people.

Plus, there are the family members who live with the pain of a loved one who committed suicide - thinking that they are in hell for their action. If the person who committed suicide was a believer/follower of Jesus, we can be confident that they are with the Lord. If we aren't sure, then we shouldn't make any judgments. We really don't know. (Your comments and questions are welcome. Click the link below.)